I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
