Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
