I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
