You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
