aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
