Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
