Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
