I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How external is "for external use only"?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
