you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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