I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
