I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
