Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
