come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no, he came in my armpit
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
