Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
