call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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