Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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