Betty ford says i'm here all night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
