How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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