afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
