i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
