I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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