I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
