Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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