I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
