i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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