She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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