just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
