My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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