so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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