I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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