Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
