I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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