I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
