So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
