Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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