These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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