that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my shit smells like andre
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
