You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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