Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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