he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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