we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
