i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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