Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
