I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
