I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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