curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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