Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
