Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
