I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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