Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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