recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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