At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
