ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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