Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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